joy

As i sit here sipping coffee and watching ninja warrior i start to think to myself, what amount of events have brought me to this point. not so much this exact point, i would suppose a day off of work and a slight sense of laziness would be what brought me to here to this exact point.

But as far as all the things I've done in my life to make me take advantage of the opportunities I've been given, i think joy would have to be the one constant in this whole thing. I don't really see joy as something that makes you bubbly and giddy like a lil kid really, I see it more as a spiritual hug. Anyone whos even been on this planet for more than a minute knows how great it feels to have someone just hold you and know that feeling is of genuine care.

As a side note, hug and joy are three letter words so im going to use them interchangably just because, well because.

Immagine always having someone giving you a hug, the feeling of that person showing you that not only do they care about you, but that they are right there with you. thats what joy is to me.
Sometimes we really dont feel like being hugged, we just want to be alone and to do things on our own, but that feeling I sincerely believe is our selfish ways and desire to do things on our own. Be it from past relationships that leave you with emotional scars, a sense of pride that makes you want to be able to stand and say your alone and are doing better than anyone ever would, or a slow riptide effect of feeling more and more distant from the people you love on the shoreline untill your out in the ocean struggling to get back to safety.

I'm talking about this because in one way or another im positive ive been each one of these people, and now that im sinking in the ocean i reach up and take one last breath before I'm sure I'll sink and i feel someone grab my hand and pull me out and give me that hug that i so despiratelty needed. and as I stand up I suddenly realize something. The water I thought I was drowning in doesnt even reach up to my knees. when your eye level with anything though it makes it a lot harder to tell how deep in you are or what to do.

I guess a lot of rambling has left me to probably open up and share slightly more details than i would have liked to, but if i cant be open here i dont really see there being any other place to.
I'm definitely dragging this out a ways in the hopes that some sort of epiphany will hit me at any moment and i think it is this, joy is not something thatwill make you giddy, rather it is the thing that will save you in wour despair. it is the hug from a friend that we so despirately need when we think we have to go it alone. it is what brings about peace and shows us that we are right where we need to be.